Each and every one of us lives within our minds as we sense our bodies and the physical world out there. We create a mind-scape of reality through intellectually interpreting our sense perceptions. We attempt to conform our reality with the actuality of changing nature—and at times, each of us attempts to mould nature to the reality of our own individual mind-scapes.
From moment to moment we make decisions attempting to survive with a quality and a degree of predictability which is unique to each of us. We have emotions and a defining sense of Self to assist us with this. We feel passion and pull to experience more of something when our quality is riding high. We feel love, we feel joy, and our sense of Self takes on this high quality.
However it will always wax and wane with time and so we never endingly search for a degree of predictability for our own quality, and this also varies from person to person. When our quality is waning, we experience lack of love and joy which appears in the guise of negative emotions—anger, fear, anxiety, sadness and shame when our sense of Self is losing quality.
Our genes emphasise our special type of primate social behaviour, which demands integrating and contributing to others if we wish to survive with quality. Each of us may be able to physically manipulate the material world to have quality of physical living, but we need others to be around us, like mirrors, to reflect the gene quality of our sense of Self, our value as a life story.
If you have nobody close to your heart, if you do not have the opportunity to be in love, you will not have a canvas to behave and think in the highest quality within your mind. Unless you can love yourself with total focus, you will have difficulty valuing your life quality, and to a degree your predictability. Loving another buffers our inability to love ourselves. Love surely makes the world go round.
When you fall in love you create in your mind-scape, the opportunities to value your own quality of survival and this will be reflected in higher purpose behaviour and thoughts towards the other person. The other person presents as a mirror for you to observe your own quality of behaviour and thoughts. They give you an opportunity to value yourself and the worth of your life which is impossible when you are alone in the world.
When you first fall in love you give so much of your beautiful thoughts, the look in your eyes, the lighting up of your face, the presenting of your body, the touch of your hands, the song of your voice, the plans for your future together. And you love yourself for the way you give this to another. You know you do this well because they mirror you—they express their love and joy. Once the relationship is predicable, most of us look to other things to add to our personal reality. We may focus on hobbies, work, other social relationships. Unless we are careful, our love relationship may lose some of its charm. The mirror will then become foggy, and the opportunity to experience the beauty of ourselves through another, may be lost. The passion for life, which seemed so high in the early stages of the romance, may start to wane.
Most of us project outward to the other person as the cause of relationship failure, but in reality it is the lack of discipline within ourselves to honour ourselves through contribution to the other that is the real cause of relationships breaking down. Then at some point when the mirror is reflecting poorly, life appears to have less quality. Without the other to act as a mirror for your own thoughts and behaviour, loneliness and poorer quality of survival become your reality.
The relationship starts to breaks down and you separate, or you may remain together but pick fights or ignore each other. Perhaps you stay together because you are married, have children, feel a social stigma in separation, or because the status quo seems easier than starting ‘a new life’. Or perhaps you hope the love will return somehow. And it can, but it needs work from both sides to redefine the relationship and polish the ‘mirror’.
What must you do to ensure that your life story continually has quality and value? How must you behave with those you love to ensure you have the continual pull of passion throughout your life? How can you find love for yourself by using the mirror of the other person as the catalyst?