What am I doing in this relationship—what is the purpose? All of us ask this at some time in our relationships, and if you have created an answer that gives you personal satisfaction then your relationship will probably keep regenerating a passionate pull with happiness and love. If you cannot clearly answer this question positively, you will more than likely be dragging sorrow, anxiety, frustration or fear along within a relationship of personal punishment.
Having a satisfactory understanding about yourself in your relationships can assist you to the ‘sweeter pathway’ that exists in every person’s changeable life. Knowing why you are in a relationship can enable you to either repair a damaged relationship or step out of it so you don’t waste the moments of your life.
When you fall in love with someone it can light up your heart and soul. You fall in love with yourself—and that is one of the reasons it feels so good! In reality, the other person is a mirror for you to see your best or worst self. What appears to be love for another is really love of Self. The other person is a mirror for you—a spark flashing out across the divide between self and other, mutually sparking and enriching each other with complementary qualities and energies. And yet all this is a form of love’s grace, for it brings our wounds and defences forward into the light. Love can only heal what presents itself to be healed.
When we fall in love these are special periods in our lives—full of expectations and magic. We initially define others as beautiful, kind and giving. We initially feel in our bodies lightness, warmth and openness, and our own feelings of love. In most, this connection allows us to initially experience the quality of our higher nature to delight us with awe, kindness, generosity and tenderness towards ourselves. We find we have a passionate pull—making our lives truly valuable and worthwhile.
It’s a romantic notion that the healthy and enduring love-relationships are free from torment. The truth is that everyone has challenges with intimate partnerships. I am not suggesting it’s difficult to experience love, rather it is challenging to endure higher-purpose love for someone, day in day out, and year after year. There will always be times when we redefine our loved ones down more than up and fail to reverse this in the immediate future. If we are too critical and do this too often, it compounds, and leads us closer and closer to giving up on the effort required to maintain our intimate relationships. How we define our partner inclines us to focus on our journey through our relationship’s territory, either through romantic illusion, emotional destruction, or spiritual opportunity.
So consider how you define your partner and ask yourself: what am I doing in this relationship? See if you can answer this question and, in doing so, what emotions arise? For many people, just asking themselves this question is enough for them to reignite the passion and love in their relationship. For others they may need some guidance and tools. This is where my Harmonious Relationships course can help. Over six weeks you and your partner will learn techniques for building and maintaining a loving, happy relationship into the future.